Shamanism and Shamanborn

I wanna blog about what it means to me to be a ‘shaman’. First off, it does NOT mean using hallucinogenic or other types of drugs, as propagated by the junkies particularly in the marijuana industry. Although certain substances may be used as aids from time to time, one SHOULD be able to produce a shamanic or trance state without their aid before using them as an aid. So get that out of the way first off.

Being a shaman ain’t so bad, but it pays shit. You either go on disability for mental reasons, OR make a piddly living as an artist or what have you, which tends to take away from the time you put into shamanism. But it’s not bad.

People come to you for advice. Some people come just for a friendship, as we are known to be highly friendly and loyal. Others come to bestow a gift/s. Others still just want an ear outside the politics of life, as we are also known to be outside the politics or above the politics of social life.

It is understood and accepted, even in our modern western culture, that those born intersex are automatically shamanically gifted. Just understood. Plenty of cultures acknowledge that. A few are proven to be shamanborn that are not intersex. Others are trained to be.

Are those who are transgender but not intersex ‘shamanborn’? Are transgender individuals displaying a natural aptitude for shamanism above the norm? Not necessarily. You would think so, but not necessarily. Trans people are just like everyone else, generally speaking.

See, I don’t want to confuse the issue too much. Trans is barely understood in society, much less intersex or shamanism matters. But I’ll try.

It’s a gift to be sure. Particularly intersex form. Having tons of insights into the spiritual world and then being able to a) align those insights to practical living and b) explain it all, is a gift to be sure.

I want to focus more on shamanism and being shaman-born. It’s something annoying people can’t grasp and don’t care about so, it weeds out the wimps and then I can talk about anything I want to freely.

I’ve been described as conservative for a shaman, like my sister who is very liberal and wilder than I am, who is my twin, but was adopted out, and I suppose I am pretty conservative…but I prefer to think of myself as having respect for tradition is all.

Anyway, I think this is a good place for any insights or discoveries or experiences I have to share.





A bit of Radiohead

Some Radiohead Links:

I fucking love Radiohead. I love everything about them, from the old rock oriented stuff to everything new and experimental. And what an awesome bunch of fellows to do what they did with In Rainbows and offer the chance to pay what you thought it was worth instead of charging people.

And their live performances can’t be beaten.

There is no more original a group in pop music today, in terms of composition and in terms of content/lyrics.

The chord progressions are amazing and unique, the lyrics haunting and extremely provocative.

Alas, political groups across the globe ‘claim’ their music for themselves (apparently). I view them as transcending all that bullshit and somehow represents what it means to be a regular soul, playing the middle road.

I’ll get into the middle road some other time, it’s a Buddhist idea.



My Take On Gender Fluidity

I guess I’ve gotta take a side? FUCK THAT.

Yes, gender is fluid by it’s nature in biological and psychiatric or psychological terms. But in practical life, it’s really NOT. It’s pretty well dual in practical ways. In language, it’s mostly dual, too.

It seems to me at the same time, though that it’s NOT hard to use people’s pronouns or to ask that kind of thing in general, to be —not an asshole lol. How hard is it? Is it really so hard?

BUT I DO think the ‘zer’ and ‘zey’ and ‘ze’ made up pronouns are absurd and stupid.

but yes, of course there are varying degrees and different kinds of genders. It doesn’t mean we all use these genders in our daily lives dealing with others, though, nor will we ever really do so.

It’s just another proxy issue for the left to look good on TV, and the right to look good on TV.

But how hard is it to use people’s pronouns, no matter how difficult it might be to really privately think of someone as such? Not hard. We are all entitled to our opinions but just, be polite – be – not an asshole.

The law in Canada now states that it’s a crime of violence to not use someone’s preferred gender pronouns. That’s a DANGEROUS path to go down, Canada. Like French Revolution shit, there, which ended in the deaths of tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of innocents in the name of change and progress. It’s a bad bad thing, to FORCE people to use the pronouns.

I’ve had the wrong pronouns to use. It’s annoying, and can be quite maddening, but it doesn’t matter that much. AND we get to choose our friends, so I of course choose those who use my proper pronouns. This isn’t rocket science. Choose your friends, and ignore people who use the wrong pronouns. If it’s THAT big of a deal, correct people about it when they use the wrong ones.

This is what I mean by how I don’t fit in with the left OR right, and am just Underground as I call it. The unseen underground… It’s common sense and yet you kind of have to learn about it at the same time. It’s part politeness and part logic.

Don’t be an asshole. But don’t be stupid either.

Mannerisms that Come Natural

Some mannerisms that many trans mtf individuals have to kind of learn that always came natural to me.

  1. walking like a woman. not so much like you had a stick in your butt, but a shorter gait and a bit dainty-like.
  2. hugging, kind of clingy-ish
  3. kneeling down to pick stuff up instead of leaning over
  4. either crossing the legs OR more often than not, just keeping them closed.
  5. Holding the backs of arms or elbows when crossing them, rather than tucking them under my biceps.
  6. hands fully in pockets rather than a thumb outside
  7. Limp wrist, not lots but some and ocassionally
  8. I always make full eye contact
  9. Hip sway whilst walking
  10. So I just learned that I hold a cup while drinking like a girl
  11. moving hands more femininely while talking
  12. all of my s’s are pronounced but not to the point of an obvious effeminate lisp

Some articles for people, especially trans mtf to read and maybe incorporate:

What mannerisms are considered stereotypically feminine, which women often use and men seldom use?


I guess regular trans women have to struggle with and learn these things, like conscious learning process. ALL of them came natural to me. I remember when I was hanging out with a quite manly boyfriend, I used to imitate his gait, his way of walking, which was pretty spacey and masculine, and it looked ridiculous. But basically I never really thought about it until now.

Anyway, thought I’d share this important stuff for the trans people who want to pass.


Women’s underwear (It Fits)

I can’t wear a g-string or whatever they’re called. But regular skimpy undies go on just fine with absolutely no bleed over effect.

I don’t see the point in colored underwear lol other than for my own personal observation when I use the restroom or go to bed and change.

I wore men’s underwear for nearly 20 years until recently committing to ‘transitioning’. It’s coarse, not wide enough and cumbersome. Women’s underwear fits my wide hips better and is far far softer. I have to cram my junk a bit to get it in, not really though, it just kind of fits because I’m special and all, but other than that I have no complaints.



I got sex on the mind. I’m still single btw. Just on my mind. I’ve had it before of course, both with men and with women, but I’m thinking of men of course.

I have my likes and dislikes, preferences and whatnot. I LOVE anal (bottom). Giving head is great but receiving, not so much, my parts can’t handle it and it makes me squirm and make noises, I can hardly stand it.

I think people say they like to cuddle but end up having sex lol. Its like, ‘Oh I’m just a cuddler’ but hey, what do you think cuddling nearly always leads to anyway?

I’ve had seven male sexual partners in my life, not a lot for my age (39). The best one loved to give anal, and also liked sex regularly. The worst one hardly ever got in the mood, although he was okay when he was in the mood…

And two women.

I’m a firm believer in two things: 1) Polyandry (women who own more than one male sexual partner and 2) open relationships. I don’t think we should restrict ourselves to just one person, there’s plenty of love to go around.

The whole loyalty game gets on my nerves. Oh, you’re the ONLY one for me. It’s such a tired cliche and very restrictive.

I’ll get into preferences for a male partner some other post. Suffice it to say, I like men who are confident in their manhood and sexuality, regardless of physical or genital size.

Anal can hurt a little, but I have certain structures that the penis or dildo bumps against which makes it feel awesome. And there’s nothing quite like the warm rush of orgasm too.

Is sex important really though? You bet it is, to me at least. It’s a gift from the Universe as far as I’m concerned.

What I’d really enjoy that I’ve never had is sex with another transgender person, someone dominant and capable of course, not someone post-op. That’d be terrific and a new experience worth having.

I’m not too much for the taste of semen though. Female ejaculate on the other hand LOL 🙂




Checklist of Stuff that Cannot Be Reproduced by Medical Science (Yet)

  1. Wide child-bearing hips
  2. Female pheromones
  3. The greasy face effect
  4. Skene’s glands (g-spot)
  5. fully formed vagina
  6. fully formed uterus
  7. fully formed cervix
  8. female facial bone structure
  9. female bodily bone structure (besides the hips)
  10. XX genes of ANY kind

I pretty much rest my case. What case though? It’s just some food for thought about ‘fully trans’ people’s issues they will face even after taking hormones and getting bottom surgeries and other surgeries.

Things I don’t have to worry about…

Pheromones and Signals

Ah, pheromones, the stuff of mating rituals. I can smell myself pretty well, actually, even though I bathe regularly, and I know the difference in smells between males and females pretty well.

Been more than one occasion when perfectly straight guys have remarked on my smell. “Hm, pussy” one said under his breath.

That faint, flowery bittersweet scent is both a curse and a gift, more a gift I suppose, one probably envied by the purely transgender individuals out there (of mtf persuasion), one they may never have at that.

If you’re uncertain about that kind of thing, train your nose.

I also exude facial greases, particularly on the nose, which I Should probably powder more often lol. Girls get greasier on the face faster ya didn’t know that.

Well, just thinking about that today.

It’s just one of those things no one thinks about but is very important imho.


I want them so bad. Titties, boobies, breastssssss. SOOOO BAD. For my whole adolescent and adult life, I’ve looked down there and took my shirt off and always felt there was something just missing there.

Then I have my invisible boobs, the ones that bother me if anyone gets near them by accident.

B Cups would be fine with me. I’ll probably end up with C’s it runs in the family generally speaking. But B’s would be fine. Little sport boobs they call them. Just…something. MAYBE consider augmentation someday, but really B is fine for the time being.

I am almost entirely sure I’ll be approved for hormones sometime in the next three months so it won’t be long now anyway 🙂

God I want them, real real bad.



Puberty Blockers

The issue of puberty blockers is a very controversial matter, apparently. So I guess I’ll throw in my two cents on that one.

I think that the use of puberty blockers on teenagers depends on a few factors that are fairly distinct and not worth much debate. I think the DEGREE of transgender identification has to be established before they should be administered. That is, if someone is obviously totally transgender, then they should have the treatment. If there is any significant doubt about the gender identity of the candidate though, they should definitely NOT be administered.

How to go about ascertaining whether someone is ‘trans enough’ though? I’m not sure. There should be some process of counseling and questioning involving questionairres, interviews and gender therapy involved I would think in order to determine that kind of thing.

I know puberty blockers can and do cause sterility, and THAT HAS TO BE taken into account. It’s a big deal. That should be made VERY clear to the candidate, who may someday want to have biological children.

I definitely don’t think it should be a rash decision and I think there should be SOME waiting period before confirming the desires of a qualified candidate. But not TOO long, as certain changes of puberty are either irreversible or EXTREMELY expensive to reverse, such as the deepening of the voice and the increase in height.

Well, thats my two cents on that issue. I think we should be very careful about it, in summary, in my humble opinion.

On a personal note, I WISH I had been put through this process when I was growing up, it would have eliminated quite a bit of pain for me if I had.

Oh and you CAN take them as an adult too, so as to reduce masculinization effects. Which I plan to.